We as humans all have fears some fears are more rational than others. Some fears are bigger than others and as we age our fears evolve. Fears can attack us in so many ways. fear is the ultimate mind game. Fear is the ultimate mental monster and we constantly have to find ways to scare fear. At the moment i am afraid of failure. I am very afraid of not making it far in life. I have struggled in the past with school and i struggled in the air force. I just got diagnosed with a learning disorder and at the moment i am fighting this mental monster called fear. I fear that the limitations imposed upon me based on this label of learning disorder will come out to be true.
The biggest boulder in my way to success is coming to terms with my learning disorder. I need to realize that no learning disorder is holding me down. But what is holding me down are my negative thoughts of "I cant because i have a learning disorder". Every time i fail i think it is because i am not good enough or because everyone is better. I think because i was diagnosed with this learning disability i naturally suck at everything. Every time i fail i blame the learning disorder for my failure. I start to panic and feel anxious i start to have a bleak view on my future. I am using 3 assets of mine to slay my fear.
My ability to get mad at my fear rather than let it defeat me is a mixed blessing. Anger is not a good emotion but it is an asset that we posses. It is an asset that allows us to fight with the fury of a thousand armies. We turn into a one man army when we are angry. I control my anger and put it towards my fear and in return i am able to fight my fear. I am able to say to myself that i will not fail i am able to say to myself that what ever happens happens but if what happens turns out to be a bad thing at the end of the day i will at least have the pleasure of knowing that i am not a coward. For i took the risk of coming head to head with my worst fear. I enrolled into school knowing that previously i have failed. I took the chance of failing once again. If fear is a game of chicken then i am racing towards it at 1,000 miles per hour. Fear is fought in many ways but in cases like mine i am fighting fear with fire. I will continue to use my assets like anger and determination to win. If this monster creeps up on me again and enfeebles me i will harness my power and take it on again.
You try to tremble me
You linger in the back you whisper in my ear
but i have not fear
You tell me to stop you tell me to fail
but i always prevail
you scream and seek help but there's no avail
there is no escape from my wrath
you call yourself fear
a coward you are
you pleasure is to see me in pain
but my anger will leave you in vain
i am a bigger beast but all i want is peace
this anger wont ease
until you cease.
What ever happens happens but let me remind you that you dont control me i nourished you
I made you grow
I created you
And i will be the one to say i cremated you i ended you.
Wow, great rap.
ReplyDelete"I am a bigger beast but all I want is peace"
Great line!
Your post is good. I see that this learning disorder is causing lots of disorder for you, understandably. You use the word anger, but I would use the word courage. Anger can turn on us, and you want to make sure that you don't get angry with yourself.
Courage is the asset that gets to run 1000 miles in. It's the thing that makes you keep trying. I commend you for trying with school again.
So far, you're doing well in this class. Despite your challenge, you are getting your work done each week. Quality work.
Well done. Keeping running in.
GR: 95